Fear and Loathing at the movie theater....

Ok so I've finally caught up with the rest of the country and have seen Pirates 2.... I got to say I wasn't as nearly as pleased with this one as I was with the first.  So I will now list for you my problems with Pirates 2. 

1. Orlando Bloom.... Shut up elf... No one wants to hear you talk in what really sounds like a fake English accent. 

2. Kiera Knightly... There was not nearly enough Kiera in this movie.  Now I realize it's Disney and so it's supposed to "family friendly"  but come on guys... When was the last time you saw a pirate movie where the heroine didn't have ample cleavage?    Really?   OH and she looked like she was strung out on something the whole time.   Then again when I've seen pictures of her on the internet recently that is just how she looks so it's probably pretty safe to assume that she's strung out on something. 

3. Undead Monkey?  Well if it's breathing isn't it "Undead" I don't know maybe I'm a little to sensitive this one.  Maybe if they described the monkey as "death impaired"...

"What do you have for me in trade?"

"We have this 'death impaired' monkey" BANG!

4. Limbs as oars....  Really... I know suspension of disbelief but come on guys every body knows that once a body has fully decomposed that the joints aren't going to stay together especially when they are being used as oars and being dragged through the water like they were.

5. Davey Jones... OK I'm still trying to figure out how the crew has either humans or these weird human like hybrids... Only one person was how I truly expected them to be (Will Turner's Father) I also was not happy with the lack of additional mollusk and other debris on the crew members.

And I thought Davey Jones was a spirit... Not a squid like person.

6. The flying Dutchman... Wait this ship is bringing harm to the people that encounter it?   What the hell I thought running into the flying Dutchman was a sign of good luck and fortune

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Dutchman

OK the Wikipedia doesn't say anything about that so never mind....

Oh and getting back to crustaceans... Why wasn't the flying Dutchman covered in them?

7. Plot Lines.... This movie had more plot lines then this post has gripes.  Actually the Ninja from askaninja.com had it right... If you had a part in this movie you had a plot line.  Think about he's right...

The leg had a plot line
The Hat had a plot line
The Cracken had a plot line
The dress had a plot line
Every ship had a plot line
 
See pretty much everything had a plot line. 

So that is my take on the movie "Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest"   Now if I only kind of liked this move imagine what I would have wrote if I really didn't like it.